running

I was consumed by panicked thoughts last night when the realization came that I have been out of work for nearly half a year.
It is good that I was able to pull together the video but to me, the project continue to feel like a distraction rather then something I am truly committed to. Some how I do not feel like I have given enough of my energy to it. Distraction and lack of focus continues to be a major problem for me. Last week was productive largely due to the predefine set of goals I had. I am now at a dangerous spot since I am once again without clear goals and deadlines. So in turn that is my most pressing need.
This is not a project, this is for real. I wanted control, I have it now. But control also means responsibility. Me and I is where that lies and I need to decide.